Q & A for The Rhythm of Life -Gaia Grant

1.      Why do you think our society needs this type of book?

How many mothers will wake up today wondering how they're going to get through the day? Once they've fed, dressed, equipped the children and themselves and cleaned and organised the house, many will also have additional responsibilities of earning money to support the household or contributing further to their children's education or leisure time activities. And the whole scenario is repeated in reverse order at the end of the day. How many parents end up resorting to child rearing strategies which they don't necessarily feel comfortable with, but which work in the short term? Needing to place babies in child care at a young age when they would prefer to be with the child, using physical discipline or bribes and threats knowing they don't really solve the problem, leaving children to cry because the parent simply doesn't have the time or emotional resources to deal with the situation?

Modern technological change has made our daily lives so complex and so demanding. We learn to live with the constant feeling there is more to do and less time to do everything in. And with more emphasis on individuals in the nuclear family and less practical community support, we are often forced to struggle through these challenges pretty much on our own.

Consequently, our parenting strategies have had to become a matter of survival. We have needed to rely on methods which give us simple and efficient solutions, rather than those which are inherently fulfilling and satisfying. This often produces a cyclic pattern of frustration and guilt, and parents can end up never feeling really comfortable with or settled in their child rearing methods. 

"The Rhythm of Life" follows a mother's journey to other cultures around the world to explore some of their parenting secrets. The journey provides the reader with the amazing opportunity to visit many different countries, and to see for themselves how much less stressful and more satisfying parenting can be in a different environment. It gives fascinating insights into traditional parenting principles which are are more relevant than ever today.

This book gives simple and inexpensive (in terms of time and money) ideas for practical parenting today. It encourages parents to have confidence in natural and intuitive approaches to child rearing, with supportive personal stories of how it is possible to put these principles into practice

2.      What do you see as the major factors in our culture affecting the way our children are brought up

Conflict of roles…            Varying commitments in roles as spouse/partner, parent, household manager, career person…. etc. This means parenting is one of many expectations, and has to be juggled to fit in, prioritised.

Isolation…                                Though we may be living in close proximity to others, there's little feeling of practical community support, and most young families have to cope pretty much on their own.

High expectations…            More exposure to "ideal" parenting models and psycholologically correct methods can lead to high expectations parents have of themselves and of their children.

Chronic fatigue…            Lack of sleep, lack of time in which to get everything done, exhaustion and stress

Technological advances…            New baby products and children's toys and games give us more options, but can also lead to an overreliance on objects to assist us with parenting

3.      You have spent a lot of time travelling through Asia and Central America. What do these cultures do differently to raise their children?

Traditionally, people's lives have not been so compartmentalised. Only recently,  in modern technological societies, have people's working time and leisure time been so distinctly divided. Only in western society have adults' worlds and children's worlds become so separate.

In many communities around the world children a natural part of daily life. They don't need to be specially cared for, pandered to or catered for… they are just there, with their parents and the community in all aspects of life. This eases the pressures on parents, and produces a wonderful naturally stimulating environment for children. Children can be close to and learn from their family and friends, and parents can continue to participate in daily activities knowing their children are also being included in positive ways . In Guatemala, babies will be strapped onto their mothers' backs under large colourful shawls while their mothers continue to go about their daily activities. In the Philippines young children of only five or six years will accompany their mothers as they work, and will be responsible for caring for younger siblings. In El Salvador, young adolescents are already being apprenticed into practical work skills and taking responsibility for the household well before we are prepared to give children freedom and responsibility in our own society.

Living closely together in communities where there is much more of a sharing of roles and resources also makes a difference. Parents aren't alone. And where there is no need for a strict adherence to imposed schedules, feeding, sleeping, nurturing, comforting, playing with, educating and disciplinging a child can all happen more easily, according to natural rhythms and patterns.

4.      What do you think are the basics for good parenting?

There is no such thing as specific "good" parenting practices that can be listed and adhered to in order to guarantee parenting success. Believing there are is only perpetuates the feelings of frustration and guilt.

There are, however, basic parenting principles which can be applied according to each family's own circumstances and requirements. This less regimented approach to parenting can help everyone find the balance that works for them. Some of the principles which I find most helpful are the need for:

·         A consideration of and concern for the needs of both parents and children within the context of the society

·         Close contact with significant caretakers, including but not exclusively the mother and/or father

·         Inclusion of children, breaking down the barriers between adults' and childrens' worlds

·         Being part of a practical supporting community network

·         Making simple and natural choices where possible, particularly with foods, sleeping patterns, and educational and leisure time activities

·         Recognising and passing on an appreciation of the natural consequences of behaviours, teaching children responsibility and self-discipline

5.      Why is your book different?

This is a completely different insight into parenting because it takes us right outside of the realm of our own experience. Through the stories from other cultures, the reader is exposed to some uniquely different ways of thinking and being. Our own parenting methods have only evolved in the last century, in response to the demands of industrialised society. This has meant, on the whole, our parenting practices have had to cater for the needs of the overworked, overtired, overstressed, unsupported single parent or nuclear family unit. But these practices are, in reality, only used by a small minority of the world's population, and it's time to put our situation back into perspective. We need to reconsider what has worked for centuries, and what is still a successful approach to parenting for the majority of people all around the world today. It is time to think about how we want our society to be, and to reshape our parenting practices to promote a community-oriented approach to child rearing. We need to get beyond the survival stage, and consider the basic values and principles behind what we're doing. If we believe in the need for change, and if we are determined enough, we can make it happen. "The Rhythm" provides an inspiring vision, gives practical strategies, and motivates action.