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Positive
person-to-person networks
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Larger than
Life Los
Angeles, 1990. We were in the middle of an around-the-world extravaganza
– you know, one of those all-you-can-eat travel smorgasbords where you
try to fit in as many countries and continents as possible, hardly giving
yourself the time to savour each one. The more passport stamps the better.
On our way around the globe we only gave ourselves a few days to
experience the great Californian dream, but we did manage to squeeze in
the major tourist attractions: Disneyland and Universal Studios. Disneyland
was, of course, a complete fantasy world; a world defined by candyfloss,
Mickey Mouse and large pink fairytale palaces. Universal Studios was, on
the other hand, a fantasy world trying to create the illusion of reality.
It was a place where fictional people and events were presented larger
than life on the big silver screen. We found it particularly fascinating
to discover some of the tricks of the trade. In
those days the making of the “Earthquake” movie series was a feature.
Moving platforms with zapping electric wires kept us all gasping at how
advanced special effects were. These days I’m sure Universal Studios –
and other major movie studios designed for the curious celluloid tourist
– display far more mind-boggling tricks using far more sophisticated
methods. What
stood out at the time was, though, a really simple trick that has been
used since the days of cowboy westerns. We were shown how basic painted façades
could be set up to create whole towns. We were also shown doorways in the
façade of different heights and sizes built for different actors. The
large doorways were designed to make the female actors look petite, while
the small doorways were designed to make the male actors appear big and
strong. Creating realityIn
movie studios, the trick is to let storybook characters live out their
lives in two dimensions, but make the whole scene appear three dimensional
and complete. In the movie Truman, the main character (played by Jim
Carey) actually lived in a movie set and believed it to be the “real”
world. The movie is a classic tongue-in-cheek expose of how the line
between fantasy and reality has become blurred. Of how we are often
tricking ourselves into believing what we have created on the TV or on
movie screens is in fact a credible form of reality. Movie
characters are, in many ways, just like cartoon characters. They live
beyond the realms of normality, beyond the usual restrictions and
expectations. They are able, in a sense, to live a life of their own. But
the flipside is that this can be all appearances. In reality, there will
be someone or something else directing their moves. In reality there is
really nothing behind the facades. Many
people yearn for the same freedom and flexibility. But often we fail to
realise that if we live our lives like movie character or even cartoon
characters, we will never have the ultimate power and freedom. By trying
to create our own reality we think we can simply decide what we want or
need, and just make it happen. But we may need to think carefully about
the position we find ourselves in. We may be trapped in a fantasy world.
Like Truman, we only realise what’s happening when the cracks start to
appear. Finding
freedom We saw life at all extremes during that extensive world tour. We combined work and research with trips to destinations of personal interest. Our work has always revolved around trying to understand the ways people think and act, and this was the ideal opportunity to explore the beliefs and behaviours a whole range of people from different countries and cultures, from every social strata. We
have now worked with thousands of people on an individual basis as well as
from some of the largest and most successful companies. We have had
contact with many people in varying industries, at all levels, and from
many different cultures. We have listened to CEOs and Directors in their
formal boardrooms and to kids on the streets in war zones. We have dined
with the rich and famous from Hollywood and with displaced families who
live in rubbish dumps, well outside our preferred comfort zones. We
have discovered, time and time again, that those who really have the most
freedom and flexibility are those who have been to extend themselves
beyond whatever limitations they may be experiencing. They no longer rely
completely on what others say or do, but they have learnt a deeper sense
of purpose, which has become their driving force. Those who live life to
the fullest and seem to be the most content are not those who necessarily
have the most, in terms of materials or talent. The individuals who make
the most of their lives are those who have a positive attitude, an
incessant hope accompanied by a determined spirit and the willingness to
take action – people who continue to reach further and try harder
despite their circumstances, rather than giving up because of them.
Celluloid
secrets Almost a decade after visiting Hollywood as tourists, we spent time with Hollywood star Val Kilmer. He had travelled to the South Pacific and Asia, taking time out from a busy filming schedule to researching material for a script he was planning to write. Here was a man at the peak of his career, with everything it is expected anyone would want. We joined him and his girlfriend for an intimate dinner function in the private resort they had rented. The resort was a palatial residence with marble floors set on a vast manicured block of beachfront land, with tennis court, large swimming pool, and various sport facilities at their disposal. Around ten resident staff catered to their every need, and good food was in generous supply. The couple called in tennis, yoga and surfing instructors to help them keep in shape, and at the dinner the small group of 8 was entertained by a complete dance troupe of up to 30 dancers and musicians. It is strange knowing someone more by their screen image and reputation than in actual person, so it was interesting spending some time with Val and his girlfriend and finding out more about the reality of a screen idol’s life. We went on a surfing trip together, and in the car combing the coast for waves Val could have been any young guy – leaning out the car window and making light-hearted wisecracks as we passed people in the street. We ventured out into the ocean on a small traditional fishing boat together and got stranded in a thunderstorm, all of us soaking wet to the bone and laughing hysterically about our predicament. He lightened up a tennis game we played together, when he was having trouble readapting to a sport he had not had time for in quite a while. We did not see any evidence of the volatile temperament for which Val is known in the gossip columns. We saw a nice, easygoing guy. But we did sense some of the frustration of fame and fortune. He needed lots of time to himself to sort through what he was thinking and feeling, and his girlfriend told us of the stress he had to deal with on a regular basis. It was clear that he had paid a high price for fame in terms of personal contentment. Don’t be fooled. These people may have incredible power and status in our society, but they do not necessarily have the answers. Clues
to contentment Life at the other extreme, we have discovered, can also be incredibly tough – but in a totally different way. It’s hard to imagine circumstances much more tragic than those of the millions of rubbish dump dwellers, those who live on the rotting, smouldering fringes of major cities in developing countries all around the world. We first came across these incredibly resilient people on the edge of Mexico City, on a huge mountain of rubbish defining one boundary corner of the massive urban sprawl. We knew we were nearing the dump well before we reached it. The stench of smoky decaying waste was gut wrenchingly nauseous. And yet there, right in the middle of it all, was a group of people who lived and worked as if it were a regular village community. These people had cleared a centre “street” to pull the rubbish carts along, and on either side they had built houses from discarded bits of wood and tin scavenged from the heap. Several had carefully placed rows of sticks around their houses to approximate fences, and some even had straggly bits of vegetation in rusty cut tins as “gardens”. Donations from aid agencies had helped to develop a sense of community pride, and there was even a local health clinic and school to help these people to survive and get ahead in whatever ways they could. Tattered, grimy children played in the “streets” with battered toys – other children’s excesses had found another life through this community’s resourcefulness. Here was an ingenious people who may have been considered to be at the “bottom of the heap”, but they had not given up. They had well and truly made the most of what they had. By earning money from collecting and recycling the more useful items of rubbish, they were gradually trying to rebuild a sense of pride. Abandoned wives and their children who went on with life, men who had lost their jobs but not their confidence – these were surprisingly strong souls. In Smoky Mountain, the Philippines’ trash wasteland equivalent on the outskirts of Manila, we were invited to have lunch with a resident family. This family probably spent the week’s income from selling their recycled trash (they owned less than a dollar a day) to prepare for us some meagre chicken bone soup and buy the cans of coke that accompanied the meal. Even though they lived daily with the stench and humiliation of a junkyard existence, they still had an incredibly giving attitude. Eating that meal was a real test of our commitment to these people, but we have never appreciated hospitality more. We knew what they gave was generous beyond measure. Incredibly, these people have a real drive and enthusiasm for life that we have not often seen elsewhere. They have dreams and ambitions. They are not yet exactly where they wanted to be in life, but they are willing to do their best despite their circumstances. They have not given up hope. Perhaps the most contented group of people we have ever come across lived in a remote hill tribe village in the Philippines, on an island that was going through civil war. They had a wonderful slow but sure pace of life, not easy, but not unbearable either. They told us they were completely content with life. “It is better to eat rice in the company of good friends than to feast with kings,” they told us. These villagers had recently built a well for the village to save walking long distances to fetch water, and cheerfully sloshed buckets full of fresh supplies to and from their huts. They sat around at night, animatedly discussing the day’s activities.- the ways they were dealing with the elements and overcoming potential obstacles. They had discovered that state of contented communal happiness that often remains so elusive to many of us. THE
3D PROCESS Be
what you need to be Anyone in any situation can succeed and become satisfied with where they are and what they have. We don’t all need to become billionaires to be happy. We don’t need to have the perfect career or have earned the ultimate status. But we do need to be prepared to examine ourselves, to explore new possibilities, and to act on what we learn – to extend ourselves and grow. We do need to be prepared to step outside of the box and find that greater sense of purpose. There are times when we lack the motivation to want to move on. There are times when we are quite happy to enjoy the security of our comfort zones. But until we have moved right through to deeper dimensions, to deeper levels of understanding and experiencing, we will never really discover the full depth and breadth of what life has to offer. We cannot, ultimately, discover who we need to be. There is a clear distinction there. We may not be able to become what we want to be, but we can become what we need to be. This is not about creating illusions, but rather about getting in touch with life’s realities and appreciating and enjoying what life has to offer. Discovering
the Third Dimension Success in life, we believe, rests on the understanding that there is more than one dimension to life. Only when you have looked beyond the surface, and been prepared to dream of and hope for new possibilities, can you continue to grow in positive ways. Only when you have allowed yourself to grow can you achieve a depth of appreciation and contentment in life. So how do you discover the third dimension experience? We suggest you consider what each dimension means, step by step. The first dimension is a great starting point - providing the opportunity to begin exploring your current situation. You cannot move on until you have taken stock of where you are now. It is important to know yourself and understand your unique situation. Once you are able to appreciate where you are, it is then important to move beyond self-examination. This will ensure your thoughts don’t remain linear, continually covering the same territory. Getting stuck in the first dimension can lead to a false sense of security – or – at the other extreme, naval gazing self-focus, self-obsessions or even self-pity. Moving to the second dimension, then, opens up new possibilities. By considering where we could be, or what we could achieve, we prepare ourselves for positive growth. Suddenly we are able to see those possibilities from new angles. We are then encouraged to examine the options, to consider new ways ahead. The third dimension, finally, gives the complete picture. The third dimension is the practical application of what we have discovered, turning dreams into realities. Through the third dimension, we can see the shape and design of the whole. We gain the full perspective, see the breadth and depth of circumstances. It is only then that it’s possible to have a comprehensive and holistic view of life. The third dimension enables us to take the practical steps needed for positive change. It soon becomes clear that true satisfaction and success can only come from active participation and specific application of what we have learnt. Entering the Third DimensionWe encourage people to reach the Third Dimension phase using the 3DX Analysis System, a simple three step analysis process. For
the first step there is the opportunity to XPLORE the way you feel about
your circumstances, to consider where you are now. For the second step, we
encourage you to XAMINE what the positive options are, and to consider
what resources you can utilise to get there. Once you take the XTEND step,
you will be ready to act on what you have learnt, to integrate the lessons
back into your regular circumstances. Once you reach this dimension you
will start to see the results. These
principles will work well when applied at any level: for the individual,
the group and the organization. They will be most effective when they are
implemented at all of these levels. If
you want to feel in control of your life and your circumstances, if you
want to be able to implement change at any level, this is a tool to help
you get where you want to be. A
personal journey We
have presented this practical tool in a way that we hope you can relate
to. We have used a scrapbook approach, by providing a series of written
snapshots from different times in our own and others’ lives. Rather than
giving you with flat two dimensional photographic images, these mental
images should help to help you feel and relate to the reality of the
actual circumstances – should help to extend your imagination and reveal
new possibilities. We
have shared about our personal and corporate experiences in order that you
might be able to get a feel for how these principles can work in practice.
As marriage partners, friends and business partners for the last 20 years,
we have a reasonable amount of experience in working through these
principles together. We are by no means the all-knowing experts – but we
have made some discoveries along the way that we thought may be of
interest to others. Included here are the highs and the lows, our
strengths and our weaknesses, the successes and the failures. We hope
through sharing about the contrasting shades of experience in our journey,
there will be some sort of inspiration for you in yours. Enjoy the 3D process!
LIFE IN THREE DIMENSIONS copyright
Andrew and Gaia Grant 2001 (c) www.tirian.com www.tirian.com
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